Great People Inspire Greatness
Dedicated to Coach Jess and Coach Irv,
As I pour out my soul on electronic pages I reminisce on cold sweats and night rages parlty because I hated a father that I didn't know. And as I thought harder and I realized that hating him only fueled a self hate because God made him in His imagine and me in his so in essence I was the him that I hated and ... yet I proceeded to point the finger at the mirror and tear down the person in it layer by layer until only bone remained of my inner man while my 12 year old 5'6'' 160lb technically obese body caused me to hate the inside and the outside even more. And though he could've been there and he should've been there, in hindsight I'm glad he wasn't because I deserved better and of a father a man of valor that I wanted to be needed much more.
And as a freshman at CHS I ran into a man who's intention was to make me better at take downs on the wrestling mat but perhaps by mistake he helped me to pick up a layer that I had long since stripped of myself. Although I still from time to time felt sadness for no unearthly reason I laughed with and learned from one who was everything that my father wasn't so I was content to learn while my lack of confidence stifled the leaps and bounds that I should have been making. But still he spurred me further pushing me never to give up on myself and forcing me to step outside of my comfort zone of mediocrity. Even the junior Olympic silver medal was a keepsake for as long as I had place in Clewiston that was my own because it was a symbol of my potential and capabilities that you recognized in a time when I had only doubts. Saying curse words backwards or substituting them for words that made no sense taught me the power behind the words that people say helped me to build character. And just as I began to come into my own and envision him someday coaching me to a 45-0 undefeated state championship senior season of my own he began to make the transition to greater things. One could say that he had the heart of an olypian and I in a lot of ways wanted to be like him.
Thankfully an associate of the former would assume the role of coach, mentor and friend and add value to to a life that I didn't want to live. He taught me to walk with my chest out, chin up and back straight with confidence and after a year of faking it I began to feel as though maybe I had something worth holding my head up about. Moreso for him than for me I worked harder than I ever had to be the best that I could be at all that I did because with mom working two jobs and no father to be found I just wanted to make him proud of my blast double and snap drags. I felt like part of the family traveling to meet bud and moses and then playing paintball in the still Kentucky Thanksgiving air and I then acquired a love for travelling and a desire to see the world. I'll never forget the most difficult phone call that I've ever had to make in my life when I decided to pursue an academic future and nothing else. This was a mentorship that I wished never to sever but one that I had no choice once my future, one that I now looked forward to with his help, was at odds with my training.
Its amazing how blessings can come from situations that we often view as curses. Maybe if my father had been around I would not have gone through such rough patches in my life but then I might not have been impacted the way that I was by these great men. I suppose it was for the best that I lived without a father that didn't have the capacity to teach me how to be a man since he wasn't much of one himself at the time. Maybe it was to my benefit to instead come accross men that had faith in me when I didn't have faith in myself, who chastened me when I lacked discipline, who taught me when I didn't want to learn, and who did so in a way that would seem to be unintentional by just being themselves and allowing me to see them as human, as flawed, as quirky while demanding my respect in their resolve to be themselves regardless of what others thought.
Although they're abroad doing their own thing and I'm doing mine I refuse to forget the lessons that they taught me that extended well beyond the scope of the wrestling matt and into journey of life. I've learned and I've grown, though I'm far from where I want to be, I'm a far cry from where I would have been if they hadn't been the role models that I needed when I had noone else. I can't promise you perfection or success according to any standards other than my own but I can guarantee that my focus on being better everyday is unwaivering.